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The Power of Connection: A Strong Parent-Child Relationship Can Prevent Bullying

The Power of Connection: A Strong Parent-Child Relationship Can Prevent Bullying

by | Mar 24, 2023 | Master Gary Simmons, Stop Bullying

The power of connection or, building a strong parent-child connection with your son or daughter is crucial for so many reasons.

However in my opinion, one in particular stands out. Namely, preventing bullying. That’s right, by having a close relationship with your kid, you can actually help prevent bullying from happening.

I discuss bullying in more detail here.

Meaningful relationships of any kind are not always going to be easy. However, when it comes to being a valuable mentor to your son or daughter, it’s definitely worth the effort. When you have a strong bond with your child, they feel safe, loved, and supported. This can go a long way in preventing them from becoming either a victim of bullying or, a bully themselves.

So, let’s dive into some of the ways you can build that strong relationship.

The Listening Connection

First and foremost, the power of connection is about listening. When your child is talking to you, make sure you give them your full attention. Put down your phone, turn off the TV, even if it’s during the big game, and really engage with them. Listen to what they have to say, and let them know that you’re there for them.

Another important aspect for building a strong relationship with your child, is showing interest. Ask them questions about their day, their friends, and hobbies. Even if you don’t fully understand their interests, show them how you care about what matters to them. When you take a genuine interest in their life, they’ll feel seen and valued. Everyone on the planet craves this, so give out your acknowledgment and energy to your child often and freely. Doing this, can have a huge positive impact on their perception of you.

The Power of Consistency

Consistency is also key. Try to establish a regular schedule for family time, and make sure you stick to it as much as possible. Whether it’s a weekly game night or a Sunday morning homemade pancake breakfast, having that consistency and routine can provide a sense of stability for your child.

Master Gary Simmons mentoring pre teens

Positive Reinforcement For A Strong Connection

It’s also important to use positive reinforcement. When your child does something kind or helpful, praise them for it. This not only makes them feel good about themselves, but it also reinforces positive behaviour. Conversely, make sure you’re clear about the consequences of negative behaviour, such as bullying, or being mean, lazy or dishonest. Let them know that deliberate, poor behaviour is never acceptable and that it has consequences

The Power Of Connection: Being a Role Model

Perhaps, most importantly, the power of connection can be achieved if you strive to be a good role model for your child. Children tend to learn more from what they see their parents do, rather than what they’re told. Learning by observing is vital process for a child’s transformation into becoming a grounded and high functioning adult. Therefore, it’s important that you exhibit the kind of behaviour you would like your children to adopt.

For example, if you want your child to be kind and respectful towards others, then you should make an effort to model this yourself. This can be as simple as saying “please” and “thank you” when interacting with others, or holding the door open for someone.

Empathy

Another example is empathy. If you want your child to understand and care about the feelings of others, you can model empathy by showing concern for others when they’re upset or hurt. This can be as simple as offering a hug or a listening ear to a friend who is going through a difficult time.

Respect

Respect is also an important value to instil in your child. You can model respect by treating others, including your child, with kindness and consideration. Too often I hear parents reply to their child’s thoughts or comments with something along the lines of “don’t be stupid”. I strongly recommend that you never shut a child down like this. Always take the time to explain life matters by using examples a child or teen can relate to, even if it may be inconvenient at the time.

When it comes to learning, children are like sponges. They pick up on everything that happens around them, even though it may not be outwardly obvious. As parents, it’s important to recognize that your child is always watching and learning from your every move, even when you’re not directly teaching them something.

 

Master Gary Simmons mentoring pre teens

For example, if you’re constantly on your phone or device, your child may start to develop the habit of being glued to a screen as well. On the other hand, if you make an effort to engage with your child by playing games, reading books, or going for a walk, they will likely develop a love for those activities and learn to value quality time spent together.

Another example is how children learn to interact with others based on the social cues they observe from their parents. If you’re always respectful and polite towards others, your child is more likely to pick up on those behaviours and exhibit them in their own interactions with friends, family, and even strangers. On the flip side, if you’re consistently rude or dismissive towards others, your child may start to develop those same negative habits.

Learned Behaiviour

Bear in mind that some of the darkest attributes of human behaviour such as racism, bullying and swearing are learnt behaviours. Kids have big ears, so if you have a friend or family member who condones these attitudes, even indirectly, your child will pick up on it. You have a big responsibility to protect your child from these types of conversations, comments or attitudes at all costs during their formative years. By doing this, when they’re in the real world without you, they’ll be able to discern what objectionable bad behaviour is. They’ll have the capacity to think for themselves, rather than going along with the crowd.

If you’re  mindful of your own behaviour and set a good example, you can help your children develop positive habits and values that will serve them well throughout their lives.

 

So there you have it, some tips for building a strong relationship with your child by tapping into the power of connection. If you and your son or daughter work together, they’ll fit into society with a minimum of struggle. And, you can help prevent bullying. When you have a strong relationship with your child, you can help them navigate the ups and downs of life with confidence, resilience, respect and patience.

Master Gary Simmons smiling

If you’d like to contact me please click here

Master Gary Simmons smiling

Is Your Child Being Bullied At School?

And the school either can’t or won’t stop it?

Well, maybe I can help. Check out my ‘School Escalation Blueprint’ and let’s put an end to school bullying… starting from today.

Click Here
How To Overcome Fear: The Journey

How To Overcome Fear: The Journey

by | Dec 26, 2021 | Dealing with fear, Master Gary Simmons, Spirit

Knowing how to overcome fear isn’t a quick fix. It’s not a matter of just doing ‘xyz’ and then that’s it, you’ve overcome your fear.

I like to say, “it’s an ongoing process”. Or, to be more succinct, “learning how to overcome fear is a personal development journey“.

Fear is a natural part of life. However, a lot of people don’t realise that ultimately, we have a choice as to how we live with fear. And perhaps more importantly, how we can overcome it.

I’d like to discuss how it’s possible to modify and adapt the principals and philosophies of martial arts, so that all people regardless of their age, fitness level or body type can do this. Over the course of my thirty plus year career, I’ve helped thousands of people learn how to prevail and overcome their fear

 

Getting Back To Basics

In ancient times, long before there was technology, soldiers used Martial Arts to fight their enemies in battle. That was all well and good for back then.

Now, I’ll go out on a limb here; I’m going to say that in today’s world, you don’t go out looking for fights. You don’t have a need to beat up on people. And, you would prefer to have a peaceful life, that’s filled with love… right? Thankfully, my research has shown how this is the case for the majority of people.

Yet despite this, there’s still an enemy out there. It’s a very formidable enemy who we must all square up to on a daily basis. The enemy that you, your children… and me, are most likely to be faced with, is that niggling inner voice.

You know the one. It sabotages confidence. It creates a low self-esteem, self-doubt and a lack of focus. The fallout from succumbing to this voice could be acute loneliness, depression, substance abuse or even obesity. This sneaky, yet powerful adversary has the potential to ruin lives.

So Who Or What Is This Enemy?

This persistent little voice is a manifestation of our ego. It takes great delight chipping away inside our heads with whining negativities such as:

“I can’t…”

“I’m too…”

“Everyone else is…”

Negative self-talk like this can be debilitating for anyone. However for kids, it may result in devastating consequences. This voice is what’s responsible for children to believe that they shouldn’t be like how they are. The negativity caused by this inner voice can soon lead to kids doubting their self-worth. If this voice isn’t countered by some sort of personal development, their destructive beliefs can escalate into subjective truths. Kids can go into adulthood carrying the burden of believing that they’re flawed, weird and unlikable. In my line of work, I see this all the time.

It doesn’t matter where the negativity within a child arises from either. It could be from an external source, such as from bullying or a chaotic home life. Conversely, the negativity could come from within.

I’ve noticed there’s a common denominator with people who are pre-occupied with the narrative from their little voice. And that is, they’re the ones with the tendency to constantly wrestle with anxiety.

So what is anxiety? Well, I believe it’s a fear. Anxiety is when people are worried about dealing with future events. While being depressed is ruminating on the past.

One of the keys to overcoming the fears of anxiety or depression is to become present. To be in this moment, and not being caught in the past or to worry about the future. Personal practices such as martial arts, yoga and meditation are popular for a reason. Each of these disciplines provide the common benefit of forcing practitioners to be present. It’s worth mentioning that you don’t have to choose just one of these practices either. I’ve integrated all three into my life because I’ve found that this works for me.

Master Gary Simmons mentoring pre teens

Kids Need All the Help They Can Get

It’s important that kids learn how to engage with all sorts of people so they may participate in society. Children in particular need something to keep them in the present and to be grounded.

Sadly though, our youth is now facing yet another scourge; screen addiction. Regardless if they realise it or not, all people want and need to be in the present moment at some time. Kids tend to gravitate to their devices for a quick fix to achieve this. Devices help young people to disengage with their stress or the drudgery of everyday life.

Devices may keep kids present but they definitely do not help to ground them. It’s well documented that despite all this ‘connectivity’, people have never felt so alone or isolated as they do now. When kids are struggling, parents often find that just talking about self-esteem issues can be very difficult. Then, the prospect of actually doing something about it, can seem just about impossible.

Unmasking Fear

Another generality I’ve noticed about human nature is that it’s very common for individuals to hold themselves back in life. Many people only realise a fraction of their potential. Why do they do this? The reason is simple. It’s due to fear.

Fear is rampant in our society. Every person on the planet must deal with their own fears. As I mentioned, it could be the fear of the future or of the past. It may be the fear of failure. It could be the fear of looking stupid, the fear of not being accepted or not being good enough. The list of possible human fears is a long one. However, it doesn’t really matter what an individual’s fear is. The point is, if any predominant fear is left unchecked, it can block a person’s sense of well-being and happiness.

This is a universal principal because it effects everyone regardless of their age, background or station in life. Therefore, it’s essential that we’re constantly mindful about how to overcome the fears within our life. If we don’t, the ramifications for not doing so could be dire, which I’ll touch on later. Unfortunately though, many people simply can’t face up to their fears. At least not without some help and guidance.

Public Speaking Equals Terror

There is one aspect to fear that I find particularly fascinating. For example, consider one of the most common fear causing activities in our society; public speaking. For a person with a tendency to be introverted, the fear of public speaking can be debilitating.

Graphic of scared woman about to give a speech

We all know individuals who become physically sick or paralyzed by just the thought of doing it. Yet, this potentially terror provoking activity is physically harmless. The fear is 100% mental.

However, although extroverted people may thrive at the prospect of public speaking. They may be terrified of being rejected, contracting an illness or not being smart enough to pass an exam.

The Link

I’ve been surveying my students and audiences for many years now. Through this process, I’ve noticed that there’s one common fear that most people share. That is, the fear of being hit. Or more specifically, the fear of unprovoked violence.

The media constantly exploit this. They constantly fan the flames of this fear within us. Flick on the TV now and look at a news channel or check the news feed on your phone. Chances are, there’s an instance of violence unfolding somewhere, right now.

This constant exposure to violence can create an existential anxiety within individuals and in the collective consciousness of our society. As we’ve discussed, anxiety is a fear.

I experienced this myself in early 2020 as the Covid-19 global pandemic first began to unfold. During this time, the TV was on all day. For weeks, I was glued to the news channel trying to make sense of this unprecedented situation. It felt like my life and business were on the line and I recall feeling extremely anxious. I was constantly worrying about it and to be honest, to some extent I still am. Interestingly, I’ve discovered through self-reflection that my anxiousness has arisen from my fear of not being in control.

What’s The Cost?

The effect of experiencing prolonged fear on any level is that it restricts our sense of feeling secure and being optimistic. Fear can harden the heart, so it’s more difficult to feel love, compassion and generosity. It robs us of our innate sensitivity, so instead of living life, we merely exist, in survival mode. The list goes on; none of it good or empowering.

So, This Relates To Martial Arts Training… How?

As I mentioned earlier, the fear of a physical attack is one of the most common fears in our society. Interestingly, martial arts students soon learn that the fear of being hit is often worse than actually being hit. So, by demystifying and dealing with this big fear, the other little fears in life soon begin to dissipate.

How is this achieved? Well, the first step is to develop insight about the relationship you have with your own particular fear, or fears. Insight and clarity about any issue in life helps to develop resolve; which leads to courage.

Graphic with Can't sign that separates Can and the 't'
Graphic with Can't sign that separates Can and the 't'

This is the key point. Developing courage is crucial because it’s only possible to truly overcome fear by facing it, head on. For example, the only way to defeat the fear of public speaking is to do it, such as by joining Toastmasters.

You can only overcome the fear of being hit by experiencing it, such as by learning traditional martial arts. Courage gives you the power to explore, clarify and then conquer your fear. This process is also the means to becoming resilient and strong, which are other vital components for prevailing over fear.

People who work on themselves in these ways start to feel more self-reliant. They begin to trust their own judgment and thoughts. They don’t need to seek approval from their peer group. These are the life skills, that help people to develop a well-grounded confidence, which doesn’t originate from their ego. And, just as importantly, stops them from reacting to the ego of someone else.

A positive mental attitude such as this, leads to the expulsion of fear, which then increases self-esteem, which leads to the freedom of being you.

Being Steady, Focused And Other Attributes

In fact, the concept of banishing fear is the main aim of my personal development training. I work on helping people to be less reactive so they may respond to problems or difficulties. I help people learn how to deal with stress without flying off the handle or crumpling into a heap. As well as that, I help kids learn how to be steady and focused. The bonus of this process is that all students regardless of age also learn about respect; for themselves and towards others.

These insights can lead students towards more fulfilling relationships. Being able to overcome fear instils the strength that’s needed to move on from people, relationships and situations that no longer serve you. Personal development training helps make the pursuit of a productive and stable life seem normal; rather than it seeming unattainable.

This is another reason why martial arts has been so popular over the centuries. It has the physical component. Plus, there’s the ethical framework. As well as that, it has the tactics and strategies that are essential for dealing with conflict and adversity. There’s a lot to draw from and work with

Here’s the good news. You can start to overcome fear and become the best version of yourself, if you just try to be. If we can be honest with ourselves and confront our fears, our place in the world begins to make sense. We can steadily let go of our doubt’s and insecurities and subsequently, become the best possible versions of ourselves.

If you embark on this journey of self-discovery, you’ll quickly notice how life’s upsets won’t seem to affect you as they once did. I’ve discovered how to utilise martial arts training as a vehicle for personal development. I can also help you on your journey, no matter where you are right now.

You can find out more here.

Master Gary Simmons smiling
Master Gary Simmons smiling

If you’d like to contact me please click here

Stop School Bullying: The School Escalation Blueprint

Stop School Bullying: The School Escalation Blueprint

by | Nov 24, 2021 | Master Gary Simmons, Parenting Tips, Stop Bullying

I’d like to discuss how you can stop school bullying.

Have you ever felt sick when your child comes home from school and bursts into tears… or just sits, sullen and withdrawn, from being bullied? And, the school can’t, or won’t do anything about it?

Are you being told that you’re ‘over reacting’? Even when you know that your child is sitting alone at lunch. Or, not being invited for play dates and excluded from parties.

Have your concerns about your child being bullied and harassed been downplayed and treated with indifference? Even when you’ve reached out to the school or your child’s teacher?

I’ve been coaching boys, girls, men and women about how to deal with bullies for 30 years. And, I have something very powerful to share with you that I know will help.

Yes! Even if you’re feeling extremely frustrated and angry because your beautiful, sensitive and kind child Is going through HELL by being the target of a cunning and relentless school bully.

I can show you exactly how to:

  • Expose those sneaky and manipulative kids. Finally, the teachers will see what’s really going on behind their back
  • Use the school system, so your child won’t be the source of other kids ‘fun’ anymore
  • NOT get fobbed off or have your concerns downplayed. Learn how to by-pass the school’s ‘gate keeper’
  • Approach your child in a way where you’re regarded as a trusted ally by your child. They won’t see you as an interrogator or as an embarrassment. Learn how to reassure them you won’t blunder into the school and make the bullying situation “ten times worse”
  • Help your child come home with a SMILE again
  • What to do if your child is the target of cyber bullying

Consider these questions…

  1. “How would knowing how to help your child stop school bullying now, make a difference in your life?”

Would it give you:

  • Hope for the future, rather than dread?
  • Peace of mind, knowing that as a parent you did everything possible to empower your child?
  • Pride that you inspired your child to share their uniqueness with the world?
  • Confidence that your son or daughter has the potential to grow into a well adjusted young adult, with healthy relationships and a fulfilling life?

2. “If you could plug into a proven system that many other parents who were dealing with this exact same issue have already had success with, would this be the way to create a successful result for your family?”

Well, I Have a Plan To Help You Stop School Bullying

Or to be more specific, I have a training program to help you do something about bullying in schools that will help you to achieve the same result for your kid.

Introducing… My School Escalation Program.

It contains the 7 steps To Motivate Your Child’s School to Stamp Out Bullying and NOT Just give you lip service

Or to be more specific, I have a training program to help you do something about bullying in schools that will help you to achieve the same result for your kid.

Introducing… My School Escalation Program.

It contains the 7 steps To Motivate Your Child’s School to Stamp Out Bullying and NOT Just give you lip service

ing  It’s a tried and tested bully prevention plan. It allows you to utilise the school’s OWN system to your advantage. Find out how YOU can approach them in way that THEY’LL have to take SERIOUSLY.

It contains:

  1. Practical Training
  2. Easy to follow Systems
  3. Useful Resources

If your child’s being bullied at school now, it’s a great place to START right now. Begin turning around their bullying situation… starting from today.

Is that too bold of a promise?

At this point, you may be thinking… “So what exactly can I expect to gain from this program?”

Well, you’ll get access to a series of detailed training videos so I can walk you step by step through the entire system.

 

You’ll learn:

  • What bullies and their parents fail to do… so they’ll be NO match for you!
  • How to utilise the school’s own system to YOUR advantage and stop school bullying
  • The best way to approach the school in a way that THEY’LL take seriously
  • What you can do to make the school authorities feel COMPELLED to step in to facilitate a solution… and STOP your child being bullied
  • Learn exactly who to target for action, when to do it… and how
  • How to handle the parents of a bully, even if they’re hostile, like their kid!
  • Learn what to do if things get really nasty

Have You Got a Bullying Problem Going On At The School Right Now?

Some parents have shared with me how it can be intimidating or frustrating to deal with school bureaucracies and gatekeepers.

So to help you do this…

I’m also going to give you  access to  my email, letter and phone call TEMPLATES to help make contacting the school LESS confronting.

Use my handy LETTER TEMPLATES to help you construct the right letter or email, at the right time, to the right person

If you’re nervous about calling the school, use the PHONE TEMPLATES to keep your conversation track

These are the very same tools and systems that my students and their parents use. But let’s put this into perspective..

Use my handy LETTER TEMPLATES to help you construct the right letter or email, at the right time, to the right person

If you’re nervous about calling the school, use the PHONE TEMPLATES to keep your conversation track

These are the very same tools and systems that my students and their parents use. But let’s put this into perspective..

What’s being able to see your child being their ‘old self’, and coming home from school smiling again worth to you?

If all this system did was to help you…

  • Expose those sneaky and manipulative kids, so the teachers can see what’s really going on behind their backs
  • Learn exactly how to use the ‘SYSTEM’ so your child will no longer be the source of other kids fun
  • Confidently and firmly resolve a difficult situation at the school, even if the teacher doesn’t know how, so your child can feel safe
  • To NOT get fobbed off or have your concerns downplayed by the school’s ‘gate keeper’ ever again
  • Would this training program be worthwhile? This anti bullying system WORKS!

Is YOUR family ready to become my next success story?

Join me, and let’s stop school bullying, starting from right NOW.

Click here to find out more.

Master Gary Simmons smiling
Master Gary Simmons smiling

So… Who Is Master Gary Simmons?

So… Who Is Master Gary Simmons?

by | Nov 24, 2021 | History, Master Gary Simmons

Master Gary Simmons smiling
Master Gary Simmons smiling

So… who am I? If you found this page you may be thinking, “so, who is this Master Gary Simmons anyway?

Well, on a personal level I’m a family man, surfer and Yoga student. And professionally, I’m a writer, speaker and Martial Arts Instructor.

In 1995 I founded Shire Martial Arts. SMA is now one of Sydney’s leading and progressive Martial Arts black belt schools. Shire Martial Arts utilises the techniques and philosophy of Martial Arts to create various training programs. Or, as I like to say “we teach ancient knowledge for the modern world”. Shire Martial Arts has a wide array of exciting and engaging programs for pre-school and pre-teen kids. Also, we help teenagers and adults learn how to become the best version of themselves.

As you can imagine, with such a wide cross section of students, it’s a very busy place!

In my 30 plus year career, I’ve taught Taekwondo based Martial Arts to thousands of boys, girls, men and women. From those students, I’ve helped hundreds of them earn their internationally accredited black belt. I also take great pride in being a pioneer within the field of using Martial Arts as a vehicle for personal development, rather than just for ‘fighting’.

The Early Days

My current journey started when I created the ‘Be Safe In Your Space’ and ‘Service with Safety’ non violent self defence programs. I’m also a qualified Work Health Safety (WHS) professional, as well as a security consultant. I specialise in dealing with school & workplace bullying. I also have a passion for teaching safe customer service in the workplace.

I’ve written an acclaimed non-violent self defence book. And, many of my articles have been printed in magazines and posted online.

But of course, I wasn’t always “Master” Gary Simmons, the professional Martial Arts Instructor, Writer and Anti-Bully Trainer.

I grew up in the surf culture of Sydney, Australia. Although it looked idyllic, this urban beach environment was awash with drugs, gangs and violence.

My early education was at two large all boy schools, each of which had hundreds of students. I had to navigate through lots of bullying, hazing and violence from an early age. I then finished my schooling at a co-ed high school (it wasn’t much different).

Finding My Way In The World Of Men

After school, I found myself working in a massive dockyard with thousands of men and boys, which was quite a shock to the system.

The dockyard also had institutionalized hazing and bullying. Alcoholism, drug abuse, violence and criminal activity were rife. Surviving in such a harsh environment was a case of sink or swim. At the dockyard, I learnt a lot about the good, the bad and ugly of what constitutes being a man. I also learnt how to deal with the concepts of earning and giving respect, acceptance and resilience. There were some confronting lessons.

Once I finished my engineering training, I went out to mining camps in the Australian desert. For a young man from the city, this lifestyle, the relentless heat, combined with harsh working conditions, was for me, another huge learning curve about coping with life. Luckily, my dockyard experience helped me adapt to dealing with the tough, hard working, hard drinking and gambling men within that industry.

I then moved into the oil industry, which was also all male, with a culture of drinking, drugs and bullying. During these early years I lived, worked and played with some of the hardest and toughest people in our society.

This is what first sparked my interest in the dynamics of how to successfully get along with people from different backgrounds and cultures.

Luckily for me though, by this time I had a secret weapon for finding my strength and confidence. It was my involvement in martial arts training and the competitive arena, which gave me the strength and belief in myself, so that when an opportunity arose to become a model (it’s quite a story!), I jumped at the opportunity… and ran with it.

The World of Television

This then led to the prospect of becoming an actor, which opened up a whole new world to me, which was poles apart from the world of men and industry.

Surviving in this new artistic environment meant that I had to rise up and have total confidence and an unshakable belief in myself. At times, I found this to be very challenging. I still remembered where the source of my power came from though, so I continued to throw myself into my martial arts training.

Meanwhile, I was going to radio and TV school, which led to me working for networks as an on air presenter (show reel available on request). This opened up opportunities for hosting high profile public events, that paved the way for my corporate training business.

This experience in the media also led me to be the front man for many high profile radio and corporate promotions. In this capacity, I was the public ‘face’ of radio stations and large companies. I was hired as their representative to interact with the general public.

Olympics

In the year 2000, my home town of Sydney was hosting the Olympic Games. These were the Olympics where the sport of Taekwondo made its debut as an official Olympic sport.

At the Olympics, I was appointed as the ‘Sport Specific Expert’. As well as that, I had the role of Presentation Supervisor and Manager. These Olympics were hugely successful. Taekwondo was a very high profile event because Australia won a Taekwondo gold, plus a silver medal!

This led to me being appointed the Presentation Manager for the Olympic Youth Festival by the AOC.

Presently, in my role as the Senior Chief Instructor of Shire Martial Arts, I’m mentoring young instructors, creating online training programs and writing. 

I Love…

Working on improving my own Martial Arts skills. Practicing Yoga, being in nature with my wife Christine, and… becoming a better cook.

If you’d like to contact me please click here