Do you ever wonder; “So, how do I actually raise a confident and happy child?”

I believe the answer to this question is a direct result of your approach to parenting.

In my line of work as a personal development coach for kids, I’ve noticed that most committed parents occasionally have doubts about their child raising approach. For example, I’m regularly asked; “Why are some kids so obviously happy and well adjusted, while for my child, life is a continual struggle?” (or words to that effect).

These questions encompass a complex range of issues. And because kids – and parents, are complicated human beings, there’s no definitive or generic answers.

Having said that, I’ve noticed how there’s two main factors that have a direct impact on the result of those parenting questions. Specifically, it’s:

1. Where parents focus their child-raising energy

2. How they prioritise being a parent in relation to their lifestyle

Subsequently, I believe it would be more practical for parents to consider this question; “Am I getting my priority’s right?”

So let’s put some perspective on these priorities by examining Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. I’m sure you’ve heard of this at some stage. It’s a theory that was first published in 1943 by the renowned US psychologist Dr Abraham Maslow.

At the core of this theory is the notion that humans have a set of basic practical needs. If these foundational needs aren’t sufficiently met, people can’t move on to satisfy their higher emotional and intellectual needs. And this is why for some individuals, life is a relentless struggle.

So why is this so important for parents? Well, it’s a framework that can help you better understand your child’s needs.

When you know this, you can then create an environment that advances your Son or Daughter’s growth and development. In simpler terms, Maslow’s hierarchy of needs can help your child grow and develop in the way they’re supposed to.

So, let’s dive in and explore how you can enhance your parenting skills by utilising this theory.

Level 1: Physiology – Providing Your Child’s Practical Needs

Let’s start by discussing the most important thing in your life; your child’s health and well-being.

We all know that good nutrition is essential for a child’s growth and development. Yet processed fast food is promoted to kids as being convenient, ‘normal’ and okay, when it’s really not. There’s abundant proof about how kids who regularly consume processed food are susceptible to serious health issues in later life.

So, don’t enable your kid to go down that track. Take some pride knowing that you provide your child with healthy, delicious meals they enjoy.

Are you “too busy” to do this? Well, in our house, we use a technique of always cooking twice as much as we need for each meal. It doesn’t take any longer to do. And the result? Well, our freezer is always stocked with delicious meals. We never have to endure expensive, second-rate takeaways.

If you tell yourself and others that you “can’t cook”… well, learn how to. I’m sorry to say, that’s just a lame excuse. Do you really want to be complicit in sabotaging your child’s future health?

Cooking is not rocket science. Knowing how to cook is a vital life skill for every single person on the planet, so deal with it. If you teach your child about cooking, it will serve them and their future family, for generations to come. Therefore, I strongly recommend that you get your pre-teen involved in the preparation of some meals.

If this sounds confronting to you, use learning how to cook together as an opportunity for bonding.

Access to clean drinking water is also vital for your child’s health. If your child pesters you for commercial sugary drinks, I strongly advise that you train them to make water their standard go-to drink. Start this regime off today by firstly weening them off all brightly coloured drinks containing caffeine or sugar.

Then after a couple of weeks, steadfastly refuse to buy them at all. This also includes those so called ‘zero’ or ‘diet’ drinks.

Yes, your child will try to manipulate you into letting them consume processed foods, takeaways, and sugary drinks. And, it may be inconvenient to say “no”, but you need to stay strong and stay firm, for THEIR sake. Don’t give in for YOUR sake because holding a boundary makes you feel “bad” or “mean”.

Think of meeting your child’s physiological needs in this way. It’s not just a matter of duty. It’s actually an expression of your love. And, if you’re wondering how to raise a confident and happy child, it’s a key component.

Level 2: Safety & Security – A Safe Body, Mind and Spirit

The next priority or need, is to provide your kid with a safe and nurturing environment to grow up in.

This is not just about their physical safety either. I’m suggesting that you set clear boundaries and rules for your pre-teen. This can include establishing a regular bedtime, routine for meals, homework and playtime. Also very importantly, it’s setting up parameters for the use of their devices.

Simple boundaries or rules can help your child feel more comfortable and secure. When kids know what to expect and what’s expected of them, they have a sense of structure and order. Without this, life is random, chaotic, confusing and subsequently, stressful.

Encourage your Son or Daughter to express themselves freely without fear of judgment, derision or rejection.

Remember, your child is always watching and listening to you. It’s important to be mindful of what you say and do around them. All kids have ‘big ears’, so avoid talking about your problems or concerns when they’re in earshot. A child can easily pick up on adult conversations and start to worry about what they think they heard. Whenever you’re around your Son or Daughter, you have a huge responsibility to be present, attentive, and proactive.

So, do whatever it takes to create a loving and supportive environment where your child can feel secure and thrive. In regard to the question of how to raise a confident and happy child, this is perhaps one of the most important elements.

Level 3: A Sense of Belonging – Giving Affection and Recognition, Finding Companionship

Once your child has their basic physiological and safety needs met, you can then focus on their higher needs.

Specifically, I’m now referring to social interaction, affection, and companionship. As humans, we all crave connection with others and a sense of belonging within a community. Your child is no exception! You’ve probably seen how much they light up when they see their best friend at school or get excited about a playdate with their cousin. These moments of social interaction are essential for their ongoing happiness and sense of belonging.

Showing your pre-teen affection is also important. They need to feel loved and supported, especially by you their parent.

A big hug or reading a story before bed can mean the world to your Son or Daughter. Even when it may be inconvenient. For a child, these simple gestures are like gold.

Another great way to encourage your child’s sense of belonging and social interaction is getting them involved in group activities. Help them to investigate and try out sports, clubs or social events so they can figure out what resonates with them. The crucial thing though, is to provide an environment where your child feels consistently valued and respected.

You can achieve this by having regular family game nights or a holiday together. These activities create fond, positive memories. They’ll help to reassure your child about how they’re part of a loving and supportive family. You can find out a little more about this here.

Level 4: Self Esteem – How To Develop Self-Esteem and Give Acknowledgement How To Raise a Confident and Happy Child

As humans, we all have a deep need for self-esteem, respect, and acknowledgement from others.

This is especially true for kids who are still developing their identity. When children have these needs met, it helps them to learn about handling challenges and setbacks in a healthy way. This is part of the process for developing a positive self-image.

As a parent, you can provide this kind of support in various ways. For instance, you can boost their self-esteem by encouraging your pre-teen to pursue their interests and passions. If your child loves painting, you can provide art supplies and inspire them to create new pieces. When they show you a finished project, praise their effort. This kind of positive reinforcement also helps children feel good about themselves and their abilities.

This could be getting an A or B in a school test, or acknowledging them for improving at something. Whatever it is, take the time to celebrate their accomplishments often. Let them know how proud they make you feel.

This helps to build their sense of self-worth and the confidence needed to tackle new challenges in the future. Just remember that for your pre-teen, building self-esteem and respect is an ongoing process. It will take time and effort to provide the encouragement and acknowledgment they need to develop a positive self-image.

Give your child the tools and opportunities needed to thrive. If you do, you’ll be setting them up for success, whatever that may look like for them.

Level 5: Self-actualization – Helping Your Child Realise Their Potential

As a parent, you have the incredible opportunity to witness your child grow and thrive. You can literally watch them evolve into the best version of themselves, right before your eyes.

Your child’s self-actualization starts by helping them discover and explore their interests and talents, as mentioned above.

There’s another very effective method for helping your child develop their self-actualization. Namely, that’s you modelling to them what positive character traits look like. For example, you could show them what empathy and compassion is by volunteering at a local charity together.

Also, be proactive in helping them to understand different perspectives from a wide range of people. Encourage your Son or Daughter to read thought provoking books or watch inspiring movies together. Strive to encourage your child to think critically about the world they live in.

Ask them philosophical questions and initiate discussions as a means to help them form their own opinions. This helps pre-teens develop self-awareness and a sense of purpose, which are also key components of self-actualization.

Ultimately, supporting your child’s self-actualization requires you to be engaged in their life. Show them your support for their dreams and aspirations.

By doing so, you can help your child become a confident, fulfilled, and resilient young adult. You’ll help equip them with the skills and mindset needed to navigate the challenges of life with confidence and purpose.

Flexibility in Meeting Your Child’s Needs

Bear in mind, my advice here is not about you just checking off a list. Invariably, your child will develop and change over time, as will their needs. So, be flexible and adaptable.

Also, remember that Maslow’s hierarchy of needs in the context of parenting is not a one-size-fits-all model. Rather, think of it as an approach to parenting that’s structured, holistic and evolving.

I’d like to finish off by being blunt.

Many parents focus their energy on attempting to satisfy their child’s immediate happiness. They look for the quick fix by caving in to their child’s casual or petulant ‘whims’ and short term desires. Unfortunately, this approach to parenting is haphazard and flawed. It doesn’t serve the child, their future family or society. Having said that, I do understand why some parents allow their kids to call the shots on their development decisions.

Providing pre-teen children with the support and guidance they need to thrive, can at times be challenging. Sometimes, while they push back as you hold a boundary, it can even be harrowing. The good news is, if you get this right, the benefits will be profound and life changing.

You now have some insight about how to raise a confident and happy child. Therefore, I’d like to inspire you to make your child’s true well-being and happiness a priority in your life.

So maybe the best response for; how to raise a confident and happy child is… are you up for it?

MasterGarySimmons.com

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