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How To Raise a Confident and Happy Child – Have You Got Your Priorities Right?

How To Raise a Confident and Happy Child – Have You Got Your Priorities Right?

Do you ever wonder; “So, how do I actually raise a confident and happy child?”

I believe the answer to this question is a direct result of your approach to parenting.

In my line of work as a personal development coach for kids, I’ve noticed that most committed parents occasionally have doubts about their child raising approach. For example, I’m regularly asked; “Why are some kids so obviously happy and well adjusted, while for my child, life is a continual struggle?” (or words to that effect).

These questions encompass a complex range of issues. And because kids – and parents, are complicated human beings, there’s no definitive or generic answers.

Having said that, I’ve noticed how there’s two main factors that have a direct impact on the result of those parenting questions. Specifically, it’s:

1. Where parents focus their child-raising energy

2. How they prioritise being a parent in relation to their lifestyle

Subsequently, I believe it would be more practical for parents to consider this question; “Am I getting my priority’s right?”

So let’s put some perspective on these priorities by examining Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. I’m sure you’ve heard of this at some stage. It’s a theory that was first published in 1943 by the renowned US psychologist Dr Abraham Maslow.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs pyramid with a kid on a skate board standing at the top

At the core of this theory is the notion that humans have a set of basic practical needs. If these foundational needs aren’t sufficiently met, people can’t move on to satisfy their higher emotional and intellectual needs. And this is why for some individuals, life is a relentless struggle.

So why is this so important for parents? Well, it’s a framework that can help you better understand your child’s needs.

When you know this, you can then create an environment that advances your Son or Daughter’s growth and development. In simpler terms, Maslow’s hierarchy of needs can help your child grow and develop in the way they’re supposed to.

So, let’s dive in and explore how you can enhance your parenting skills by utilising this theory.

Level 1: Physiology – Providing Your Child’s Practical Needs

Let’s start by discussing the most important thing in your life; your child’s health and well-being.

We all know that good nutrition is essential for a child’s growth and development. Yet processed fast food is promoted to kids as being convenient, ‘normal’ and okay, when it’s really not. There’s abundant proof about how kids who regularly consume processed food are susceptible to serious health issues in later life.

So, don’t enable your kid to go down that track. Take some pride knowing that you provide your child with healthy, delicious meals they enjoy.

Are you “too busy” to do this? Well, in our house, we use a technique of always cooking twice as much as we need for each meal. It doesn’t take any longer to do. And the result? Well, our freezer is always stocked with delicious meals. We never have to endure expensive, second-rate takeaways.

If you tell yourself and others that you “can’t cook”… well, learn how to. I’m sorry to say, that’s just a lame excuse. Do you really want to be complicit in sabotaging your child’s future health?

A delicious healthy meal of chicken with fresh steamed vegetables
A delicious healthy meal of chicken with fresh steamed vegetables

Cooking is not rocket science. Knowing how to cook is a vital life skill for every single person on the planet, so deal with it. If you teach your child about cooking, it will serve them and their future family, for generations to come. Therefore, I strongly recommend that you get your pre-teen involved in the preparation of some meals.

If this sounds confronting to you, use learning how to cook together as an opportunity for bonding.

Access to clean drinking water is also vital for your child’s health. If your child pesters you for commercial sugary drinks, I strongly advise that you train them to make water their standard go-to drink. Start this regime off today by firstly weening them off all brightly coloured drinks containing caffeine or sugar.

Then after a couple of weeks, steadfastly refuse to buy them at all. This also includes those so called ‘zero’ or ‘diet’ drinks.

If your child desperately resists, they’ll have to buy them from their own money, no arguing! Only tolerate or supply soft drinks on special occasions. And even then, only if they drink a full glass of water first.

Remember, when it comes to food or drink, you’re not your child’s “friend.” You’re the parent and it’s up to you to set clear boundaries.

A sign that has a bunch of soda bottles with a cross going through it. Don't drink soda
A sign that has a bunch of soda bottles with a cross going through it. Don't drink soda

Yes, your child will try to manipulate you into letting them consume processed foods, takeaways, and sugary drinks. And, it may be inconvenient to say “no”, but you need to stay strong and stay firm, for THEIR sake. Don’t give in for YOUR sake because holding a boundary makes you feel “bad” or “mean”.

Think of meeting your child’s physiological needs in this way. It’s not just a matter of duty. It’s actually an expression of your love. And, if you’re wondering how to raise a confident and happy child, it’s a key component.

Level 2: Safety & Security – A Safe Body, Mind and Spirit

The next priority or need, is to provide your kid with a safe and nurturing environment to grow up in.

This is not just about their physical safety either. I’m suggesting that you set clear boundaries and rules for your pre-teen. This can include establishing a regular bedtime, routine for meals, homework and playtime. Also very importantly, it’s setting up parameters for the use of their devices.

Simple boundaries or rules can help your child feel more comfortable and secure. When kids know what to expect and what’s expected of them, they have a sense of structure and order. Without this, life is random, chaotic, confusing and subsequently, stressful.

When it comes to fulfilling your child’s safety needs, emotional support is also a key factor. Make a point of sharing quality time with your child to ensure they feel valued and respected. Help them work through any difficult emotions they may be feeling. Use these occasions to reinforce how much you love and appreciate them.

A happy young girl giving her mum a hug
A happy young girl giving her mum a hug

Encourage your Son or Daughter to express themselves freely without fear of judgment, derision or rejection.

Remember, your child is always watching and listening to you. It’s important to be mindful of what you say and do around them. All kids have ‘big ears’, so avoid talking about your problems or concerns when they’re in earshot. A child can easily pick up on adult conversations and start to worry about what they think they heard. Whenever you’re around your Son or Daughter, you have a huge responsibility to be present, attentive, and proactive.

So, do whatever it takes to create a loving and supportive environment where your child can feel secure and thrive. In regard to the question of how to raise a confident and happy child, this is perhaps one of the most important elements.

Level 3: A Sense of Belonging – Giving Affection and Recognition, Finding Companionship

Once your child has their basic physiological and safety needs met, you can then focus on their higher needs.

Specifically, I’m now referring to social interaction, affection, and companionship. As humans, we all crave connection with others and a sense of belonging within a community. Your child is no exception! You’ve probably seen how much they light up when they see their best friend at school or get excited about a playdate with their cousin. These moments of social interaction are essential for their ongoing happiness and sense of belonging.

A Mum and young daughter having a cuddle in bed
A Mum and young daughter having a cuddle in bed

Showing your pre-teen affection is also important. They need to feel loved and supported, especially by you their parent.

A big hug or reading a story before bed can mean the world to your Son or Daughter. Even when it may be inconvenient. For a child, these simple gestures are like gold.

Another great way to encourage your child’s sense of belonging and social interaction is getting them involved in group activities. Help them to investigate and try out sports, clubs or social events so they can figure out what resonates with them. The crucial thing though, is to provide an environment where your child feels consistently valued and respected.

You can achieve this by having regular family game nights or a holiday together. These activities create fond, positive memories. They’ll help to reassure your child about how they’re part of a loving and supportive family. You can find out a little more about this here.

Level 4: Self Esteem – How To Develop Self-Esteem and Give Acknowledgement How To Raise a Confident and Happy Child

As humans, we all have a deep need for self-esteem, respect, and acknowledgement from others.

This is especially true for kids who are still developing their identity. When children have these needs met, it helps them to learn about handling challenges and setbacks in a healthy way. This is part of the process for developing a positive self-image.

As a parent, you can provide this kind of support in various ways. For instance, you can boost their self-esteem by encouraging your pre-teen to pursue their interests and passions. If your child loves painting, you can provide art supplies and inspire them to create new pieces. When they show you a finished project, praise their effort. This kind of positive reinforcement also helps children feel good about themselves and their abilities.

Another way to build self-esteem is to validate your child’s feelings and opinions.

Listen to what they have to say even if you don’t agree with them. Show them that you respect their perspective. This will help them to feel heard and valued, and over time, it can build their confidence in expressing themselves.

It’s also essential to recognise your child’s achievements, both big and small.

A caring Mum soothing her child
A caring Mum soothing her child

This could be getting an A or B in a school test, or acknowledging them for improving at something. Whatever it is, take the time to celebrate their accomplishments often. Let them know how proud they make you feel.

This helps to build their sense of self-worth and the confidence needed to tackle new challenges in the future. Just remember that for your pre-teen, building self-esteem and respect is an ongoing process. It will take time and effort to provide the encouragement and acknowledgment they need to develop a positive self-image.

Give your child the tools and opportunities needed to thrive. If you do, you’ll be setting them up for success, whatever that may look like for them.

Level 5: Self-actualization – Helping Your Child Realise Their Potential

As a parent, you have the incredible opportunity to witness your child grow and thrive. You can literally watch them evolve into the best version of themselves, right before your eyes.

Your child’s self-actualization starts by helping them discover and explore their interests and talents, as mentioned above.

There’s another very effective method for helping your child develop their self-actualization. Namely, that’s you modelling to them what positive character traits look like. For example, you could show them what empathy and compassion is by volunteering at a local charity together.

Also, be proactive in helping them to understand different perspectives from a wide range of people. Encourage your Son or Daughter to read thought provoking books or watch inspiring movies together. Strive to encourage your child to think critically about the world they live in.

Ask them philosophical questions and initiate discussions as a means to help them form their own opinions. This helps pre-teens develop self-awareness and a sense of purpose, which are also key components of self-actualization.

A young man graduating from university giving his Mum a hug
A young man graduating from university giving his Mum a hug

Ultimately, supporting your child’s self-actualization requires you to be engaged in their life. Show them your support for their dreams and aspirations.

By doing so, you can help your child become a confident, fulfilled, and resilient young adult. You’ll help equip them with the skills and mindset needed to navigate the challenges of life with confidence and purpose.

Flexibility in Meeting Your Child’s Needs

Bear in mind, my advice here is not about you just checking off a list. Invariably, your child will develop and change over time, as will their needs. So, be flexible and adaptable.

Also, remember that Maslow’s hierarchy of needs in the context of parenting is not a one-size-fits-all model. Rather, think of it as an approach to parenting that’s structured, holistic and evolving.

I’d like to finish off by being blunt.

Many parents focus their energy on attempting to satisfy their child’s immediate happiness. They look for the quick fix by caving in to their child’s casual or petulant ‘whims’ and short term desires. Unfortunately, this approach to parenting is haphazard and flawed. It doesn’t serve the child, their future family or society. Having said that, I do understand why some parents allow their kids to call the shots on their development decisions.

Providing pre-teen children with the support and guidance they need to thrive, can at times be challenging. Sometimes, while they push back as you hold a boundary, it can even be harrowing. The good news is, if you get this right, the benefits will be profound and life changing.

You now have some insight about how to raise a confident and happy child. Therefore, I’d like to inspire you to make your child’s true well-being and happiness a priority in your life.

So maybe the best response for; how to raise a confident and happy child is… are you up for it?

MasterGarySimmons.com

Master Gary Simmons smiling
Master Gary Simmons smiling

If you’d like to contact me please click here

Is Your Child Being Bullied At School?

And the school either can’t or won’t stop it?

Well, maybe I can help. Check out my ‘School Escalation Blueprint’ and let’s put an end to school bullying… starting from today.

The Power of Connection: A Strong Parent-Child Relationship Can Prevent Bullying

The Power of Connection: A Strong Parent-Child Relationship Can Prevent Bullying

The power of connection or, building a strong parent-child connection with your son or daughter is crucial for so many reasons.

However in my opinion, one in particular stands out. Namely, preventing bullying. That’s right, by having a close relationship with your kid, you can actually help prevent bullying from happening.

I discuss bullying in more detail here.

Meaningful relationships of any kind are not always going to be easy. However, when it comes to being a valuable mentor to your son or daughter, it’s definitely worth the effort. When you have a strong bond with your child, they feel safe, loved, and supported. This can go a long way in preventing them from becoming either a victim of bullying or, a bully themselves.

So, let’s dive into some of the ways you can build that strong relationship.

The Listening Connection

First and foremost, the power of connection is about listening. When your child is talking to you, make sure you give them your full attention. Put down your phone, turn off the TV, even if it’s during the big game, and really engage with them. Listen to what they have to say, and let them know that you’re there for them.

Another important aspect for building a strong relationship with your child, is showing interest. Ask them questions about their day, their friends, and hobbies. Even if you don’t fully understand their interests, show them how you care about what matters to them. When you take a genuine interest in their life, they’ll feel seen and valued. Everyone on the planet craves this, so give out your acknowledgment and energy to your child often and freely. Doing this, can have a huge positive impact on their perception of you.

The Power of Consistency

Consistency is also key. Try to establish a regular schedule for family time, and make sure you stick to it as much as possible. Whether it’s a weekly game night or a Sunday morning homemade pancake breakfast, having that consistency and routine can provide a sense of stability for your child.

Master Gary Simmons mentoring pre teens

Positive Reinforcement For A Strong Connection

It’s also important to use positive reinforcement. When your child does something kind or helpful, praise them for it. This not only makes them feel good about themselves, but it also reinforces positive behaviour. Conversely, make sure you’re clear about the consequences of negative behaviour, such as bullying, or being mean, lazy or dishonest. Let them know that deliberate, poor behaviour is never acceptable and that it has consequences

The Power Of Connection: Being a Role Model

Perhaps, most importantly, the power of connection can be achieved if you strive to be a good role model for your child. Children tend to learn more from what they see their parents do, rather than what they’re told. Learning by observing is vital process for a child’s transformation into becoming a grounded and high functioning adult. Therefore, it’s important that you exhibit the kind of behaviour you would like your children to adopt.

For example, if you want your child to be kind and respectful towards others, then you should make an effort to model this yourself. This can be as simple as saying “please” and “thank you” when interacting with others, or holding the door open for someone.

Empathy

Another example is empathy. If you want your child to understand and care about the feelings of others, you can model empathy by showing concern for others when they’re upset or hurt. This can be as simple as offering a hug or a listening ear to a friend who is going through a difficult time.

Respect

Respect is also an important value to instil in your child. You can model respect by treating others, including your child, with kindness and consideration. Too often I hear parents reply to their child’s thoughts or comments with something along the lines of “don’t be stupid”. I strongly recommend that you never shut a child down like this. Always take the time to explain life matters by using examples a child or teen can relate to, even if it may be inconvenient at the time.

When it comes to learning, children are like sponges. They pick up on everything that happens around them, even though it may not be outwardly obvious. As parents, it’s important to recognize that your child is always watching and learning from your every move, even when you’re not directly teaching them something.

 

Master Gary Simmons mentoring pre teens

For example, if you’re constantly on your phone or device, your child may start to develop the habit of being glued to a screen as well. On the other hand, if you make an effort to engage with your child by playing games, reading books, or going for a walk, they will likely develop a love for those activities and learn to value quality time spent together.

Another example is how children learn to interact with others based on the social cues they observe from their parents. If you’re always respectful and polite towards others, your child is more likely to pick up on those behaviours and exhibit them in their own interactions with friends, family, and even strangers. On the flip side, if you’re consistently rude or dismissive towards others, your child may start to develop those same negative habits.

Learned Behaiviour

Bear in mind that some of the darkest attributes of human behaviour such as racism, bullying and swearing are learnt behaviours. Kids have big ears, so if you have a friend or family member who condones these attitudes, even indirectly, your child will pick up on it. You have a big responsibility to protect your child from these types of conversations, comments or attitudes at all costs during their formative years. By doing this, when they’re in the real world without you, they’ll be able to discern what objectionable bad behaviour is. They’ll have the capacity to think for themselves, rather than going along with the crowd.

If you’re  mindful of your own behaviour and set a good example, you can help your children develop positive habits and values that will serve them well throughout their lives.

 

So there you have it, some tips for building a strong relationship with your child by tapping into the power of connection. If you and your son or daughter work together, they’ll fit into society with a minimum of struggle. And, you can help prevent bullying. When you have a strong relationship with your child, you can help them navigate the ups and downs of life with confidence, resilience, respect and patience.

Master Gary Simmons smiling

If you’d like to contact me please click here

Master Gary Simmons smiling

Is Your Child Being Bullied At School?

And the school either can’t or won’t stop it?

Well, maybe I can help. Check out my ‘School Escalation Blueprint’ and let’s put an end to school bullying… starting from today.